it's not like you all are the proest. !(i'm soooo happy darlings) cheers to the band with unethusastic sec 3s, slacking sec 4s and following-in-footsteps sec 2s. You know very well it's not about skills. it's about the social circle; having that= everything is just the mindset of a common bander. band has evolved to materialistic. and yes, edwin you can't deny that. oh. decribe hor, like backstab backstab backstab - so everyone wants to do that to me. another tragedy, another casualty. it's the same old rule buddy- i'm not going against you or what but rather- what's the use of a promise. what's the word "senior" mean- means they can bully you, pick on you, take away everything from you. why? i joined band because of music, or rather if I hated music would i still join band, will I still go for outdoor practices? when you don't know a shit about me- please take a sheet of toilet paper (from the toilet bowl) and wipe it on your face. you have an attitude. I don't have. so stop magline me having one. i know we are pwned, but so what did i stick up, get stuck up thinking I AM IMBA? (not talking about edwin) i thought someone else thought so. but i am going back to basics, see a great change in me. otherwise it's time to slash a wrist, jump off a building. talk about we being disrespectful to seniors, huh? it's seniors who started. (it's their problem and they are coming back to say: De Jun, let me tell you - oh you cannot carry on like this----[flickers my hopes, dreams, expectations]) oh so what, seniors are always helping those so close to their hearts. and it's like whatever. fine. bad people comes to bad conclusions. don't you just so agree.

but when did i critize him in front of his face, like him being absolute insentive towards people's feelings. people have feelings, if you don't realise, senior. or rather junior or rather batch mate. oh I forgotten! you came in the same time you know, i think later. (nods head) you all know very well i am not in a good condition now, maybe on monday you'd see a better and more cheerful me. let's say I bet :D but most likely not. promise needs time, maybe i was looking at the message, archiving the sms for too long or freaking rather. maybe you all don't get my point for posting that post. maybe. hmmm, or rather misintepreted. hello to that person out there reading, i shall still attend band practice, put in 120% effort in what i do there, and then two more years, the section shall be a better place. Maybe I need something, maybe just one last step to forgiving, maybe it's just a time for me and him to sit down to talk with the help of someone else who is not baised, which is apparently not edwin. I'm in my sullen mood these few days, which probably will not explode in water or what, i need a clarification, i need a confrontation. otherwise, it'd be worse- only gets worse; it cannot get any further.

anyway. cheers to "loveyoulots" gang. in class :D jared, sunyu and me. I've lost my dignity, trust, hope, love, faith, my everything already, and if I lose this time (when i'm already bankrupt) of such things, then what have I got to lose again, so just carry on even if now like really i am having tears in my eyes, life goes on. I need a confrontation. maybe that's what i need.

seniors earn their junior's respect. when they lose it, they lose it. when they gain it, they gain it. it's such a simple reason for it, you can have a conclusion easily who is good/bad. you think i'm so stuck up? i'm the odd one out, so everything's my fault again. some people just keeps making life more saddening. Today i tried smiling again, it was just an agony to fake that stereotype smile, that smile lasted for about a minute and i really wish to rewind to those days where I can catch my smile back in the light. /it's another tragedy for me. even though i slapped myself up two times, i think i am still as depressed, this spirit is forever so tired.

i wonder if I should do the same, hiatus my blog until I learn to love again. and this lonely road, i wonder how long it'd last. i can't put the memories into a box, keep it up and lock it (till for further reminicense). and i feel so tired, i can't continue already. life has sure been like prison, and all of you still think i'm stuck up, so what's the difference between someone innocent and imprisoned, and charged of the crime he's not supposed to have, it's just too much of a tragedy, life's like that i ought to face it. everyone knows, but how am i supposed to face the other side of a criminal-known record? people are just like the medicories of life, a judge at the supreme high court. once they make me guilty, they won't want to bother making a second judgement. In my mind, band has this connection that eclipses my thoughts with "tragedy" and it has already became its relative. that stereotype smile has just been once in my life, now it's never gonna happen maybe not. but how will I know. Once I've stopped hurting / being hurt, maybe the next time these "in your mindset" known as self-pitying posts will not appear again, maybe I would have returned to the condition I once had (that polariods with smiles attached) . These posts looks so antonizing to you, becoming an eyesore, I hope should understand that you have the choice to exit from my blog.

cloud my thoughts, and so i thought. I want to learn how to love again, and that's so hard. & i'm trying to cushion this bruise, I want to let it heal again. I'm just too tired to carry on, if this is too hard for you to apprehend these wounds that are plastered too many times in a row, then only time can tell. yes, senior if you want to deal with me, just come on- i bruise easily. Your main aim is just to chase me out of band, out of your section, but you don't have to be so cruel. It's not like I've never seen such seniors possesing such kind of mentality. but you should ask yourself first before harming till this stage "If life was fair, why would roses have thorns". Maybe I should do the same. people who are out there accusing me, flaming me further, pushing my spirits into a dark abyss, and that will continue making me unable to pull up myself from there. I can't. I'm already in this state, people have emotions for your information.

I just can't live a lie. (i've been living in one too long)- until i learn to love again.

it's not like you all are the proest. !(i'm soooo happy darlings) cheers to the band with unethusastic sec 3s, slacking sec 4s and following-in-footsteps sec 2s. You know very well it's not about skills. it's about the social circle; having that= everything is just the mindset of a common bander. band has evolved to materialistic. and yes, edwin you can't deny that. oh. decribe hor, like backstab backstab backstab - so everyone wants to do that to me. another tragedy, another casualty. it's the same old rule buddy- i'm not going against you or what but rather- what's the use of a promise. what's the word "senior" mean- means they can bully you, pick on you, take away everything from you. why? i joined band because of music, or rather if I hated music would i still join band, will I still go for outdoor practices? when you don't know a shit about me- please take a sheet of toilet paper (from the toilet bowl) and wipe it on your face. you have an attitude. I don't have. so stop magline me having one. i know we are pwned, but so what did i stick up, get stuck up thinking I AM IMBA? (not talking about edwin) i thought someone else thought so. but i am going back to basics, see a great change in me. otherwise it's time to slash a wrist, jump off a building. talk about we being disrespectful to seniors, huh? it's seniors who started. (it's their problem and they are coming back to say: De Jun, let me tell you - oh you cannot carry on like this----[flickers my hopes, dreams, expectations]) oh so what, seniors are always helping those so close to their hearts. and it's like whatever. fine. bad people comes to bad conclusions. don't you just so agree.

but when did i critize him in front of his face, like him being absolute insentive towards people's feelings. people have feelings, if you don't realise, senior. or rather junior or rather batch mate. oh I forgotten! you came in the same time you know, i think later. (nods head) you all know very well i am not in a good condition now, maybe on monday you'd see a better and more cheerful me. let's say I bet :D but most likely not. promise needs time, maybe i was looking at the message, archiving the sms for too long or freaking rather. maybe you all don't get my point for posting that post. maybe. hmmm, or rather misintepreted. hello to that person out there reading, i shall still attend band practice, put in 120% effort in what i do there, and then two more years, the section shall be a better place. Maybe I need something, maybe just one last step to forgiving, maybe it's just a time for me and him to sit down to talk with the help of someone else who is not baised, which is apparently not edwin. I'm in my sullen mood these few days, which probably will not explode in water or what, i need a clarification, i need a confrontation. otherwise, it'd be worse- only gets worse; it cannot get any further.

anyway. cheers to "loveyoulots" gang. in class :D jared, sunyu and me. I've lost my dignity, trust, hope, love, faith, my everything already, and if I lose this time (when i'm already bankrupt) of such things, then what have I got to lose again, so just carry on even if now like really i am having tears in my eyes, life goes on. I need a confrontation. maybe that's what i need.

seniors earn their junior's respect. when they lose it, they lose it. when they gain it, they gain it. it's such a simple reason for it, you can have a conclusion easily who is good/bad. you think i'm so stuck up? i'm the odd one out, so everything's my fault again. some people just keeps making life more saddening. Today i tried smiling again, it was just an agony to fake that stereotype smile, that smile lasted for about a minute and i really wish to rewind to those days where I can catch my smile back in the light. /it's another tragedy for me. even though i slapped myself up two times, i think i am still as depressed, this spirit is forever so tired.

i wonder if I should do the same, hiatus my blog until I learn to love again. and this lonely road, i wonder how long it'd last. i can't put the memories into a box, keep it up and lock it (till for further reminicense). and i feel so tired, i can't continue already. life has sure been like prison, and all of you still think i'm stuck up, so what's the difference between someone innocent and imprisoned, and charged of the crime he's not supposed to have, it's just too much of a tragedy, life's like that i ought to face it. everyone knows, but how am i supposed to face the other side of a criminal-known record? people are just like the medicories of life, a judge at the supreme high court. once they make me guilty, they won't want to bother making a second judgement. In my mind, band has this connection that eclipses my thoughts with "tragedy" and it has already became its relative. that stereotype smile has just been once in my life, now it's never gonna happen maybe not. but how will I know. Once I've stopped hurting / being hurt, maybe the next time these "in your mindset" known as self-pitying posts will not appear again, maybe I would have returned to the condition I once had (that polariods with smiles attached) . These posts looks so antonizing to you, becoming an eyesore, I hope should understand that you have the choice to exit from my blog.

cloud my thoughts, and so i thought. I want to learn how to love again, and that's so hard. & i'm trying to cushion this bruise, I want to let it heal again. I'm just too tired to carry on, if this is too hard for you to apprehend these wounds that are plastered too many times in a row, then only time can tell. yes, senior if you want to deal with me, just come on- i bruise easily. Your main aim is just to chase me out of band, out of your section, but you don't have to be so cruel. It's not like I've never seen such seniors possesing such kind of mentality. but you should ask yourself first before harming till this stage "If life was fair, why would roses have thorns". Maybe I should do the same. people who are out there accusing me, flaming me further, pushing my spirits into a dark abyss, and that will continue making me unable to pull up myself from there. I can't. I'm already in this state, people have emotions for your information.

I just can't live a lie. (i've been living in one too long)- until i learn to love again.